An announcement regarding the outcome of the 2011 Annual General Meeting of the members of King’s College London Mountaineering Club.
Dear Members,
I write to inform you of the events at this year’s Annual General Meeting which took place on 30th March 2011 in room B3.20 of the Strand Building of King’s College London...
I am pleased to confirm that the meeting was held successfully and that the conduct of the meeting conformed to all applicable laws and statutes. With a few notable exceptions, the Haris dress code was complied with in full and everyone looked spiffing. I shall now summarise the key events of the meeting for your reading pleasure.
The meeting was brought to order at 7 o’clock p.m. by the President, Mr Edward Hofman. Mr Hofman introduced a video of the 2010 Alps Trip as an advertisement for the 2011 Alps Trip. This year’s trip is being co-ordinated by Miss Helena Lightbody. The video was met with appropriate amounts of awe throughout, hearty laughter and rapturous applause.
It was generally agreed that the Alps Trip looks “epic” and that any self-respecting fresher should sacrifice his or her own arm for a place on this year’s trip.
Miss Lightbody was on hand after the video had been shown to answer queries about the Alps Trip and provide some more general information. If you are willing to sacrifice your own arm or want more information about the trip, I suggest that you email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or speak directly to Miss Lightbody.
Mr Hofman then made a speech regarding the happenings in the club over the past year. He started with a summary of the trips so far this year – most notably the Freshers’ trip and the “trad” trip. Mr Hofman decreed that these have been “excellent”. If you have bothered to read this far into my awful prose, I can only assume that you have already read all of the trip reports from this year, so I will not bore you with details. It was noted that, as Easter falls late this year, the Easter trip had not yet happened, but that it promises to be a wonderful trip.
Our esteemed President spoke at length about the continued success of the London Universities Bouldering Event (LUBE) organised entirely by the KCLMC committee. Now in its second year, LUBE continues to go from strength to strength. This can only be due to the effort and time put into this project by the committee. Mr Hofman extended particular thanks on this matter to Mr Martin Davies. Mr Hofman was sad to report that KCLMC’s competition performance this year was, unfortunately, hampered by a number of injuries to the squad.
The pathos expressed by the membership at this moment was almost palpable.
The best wishes of all present go out to any injured members.
Mr Hofman ended his speech by looking to the future – most notably the Easter and Alps trips and LUBE 2011/12 which all promise to be everything a climber could wish for and much more. He reminded those present that anyone who is willing to run a trip in the coming weeks and months is more than encouraged to do so. Anyone wishing to break up the boredom of the revision hell that is summer term should contact the committee forthwith.
Our esteemed holder of the money books, Mr James Chidgey, was next to approach the lectern. His treasurer’s report was simply too fascinating. Several members were rendered comatose by the financial skill expressed in his beautiful pie charts. It was obvious that most people were left wondering why Mr Chidgey has not yet been snapped up by a major investment bank. The KCLMC is in good financial health despite the best efforts of the Union to leave us destitute and begging for small change on street corners.
It was then on to the main business of the evening – the election of the 2011/12 KCLMC committee. The rules of voting were explained by the returning officers Mr Hofman and Mr Oliver Lister (outgoing President and Vice-President). Voting would be conducted by secret show of hands – all present except the returning officers would close their eyes and voting would then be conducted by eligible members raising their hands. Each candidate would be allowed 30 seconds to speak and then the candidates would retire to “the cupboard” during voting. Any candidate standing for more than one position would only be allowed to make one speech. Mr Andrew Feneley was declared “Club Alcoholic,” due to his escapades the previous weekend. In the absence of the Flaggonmaster, he was tasked with providing suitable measures of the finest juniper juice to say “thank you” to the outgoing committee members and to congratulate those elected.
As is customary, the lucky recipients of the juniper juice were allowed to wear ceremonial headwear. This year, the chosen headwear was a non-stick Tefal saucepan.
A total of 15 people stood for 11 committee positions this year. They all gave exemplary speeches detailing their wide ranges of experiences, fetishes and outstanding commitment to KCLMC. However, as time is short and I have an exam tomorrow, I will only reproduce a few highlights from the speeches for you.
President – Mr Martin Davies cited his 4 years experience in the club and his plans for collaboration with the Wilderness Medicine society whilst Mr Joseph Mealor expressed his desire for absolute power. The members opted for experience over thirst for power and elected The Duck as the KCLMC President 2011/12, Mr Davies was elected as Keeper of the President.
Vice-President – Mr Chidgey cited his desire to support the other committee positions and his experience as this year’s Treasurer. Miss Rosie Spragg promised cake (she does make good cake) and mentioned her experience as this year’s Publicity Officer.
Mr Samuel Vaughan expressed a desire to “get his teeth into the club” this year and a longing to be Mr Davies’ “bitch”.
Miss Nicole Penn impressed with her experience in other committees, including ones within the students’ union, and her list of qualifications – most notably a Gold Duke of Edinburgh’s Award. Miss Jennie C Oliver read a statement on behalf of the absent Mr Hannes Granberg. Mr Granberg had written of his commitment to the LUBE and BUCS competitions and his desire to further the work on these. Mr Mealor had already spoken but interjected with a reiteration of his thirst for power. The members voted for interjection over cake, fetishes and qualifications and elected Mr Mealor as the new Vice-President.
Treasurer – Mr Alistair Heggie spoke of his experience as treasurer of his halls committee and his ability to count. This latter statement was spported by his currently being enrolled on a Mathematics degree programme at the College. The current Treasurer, Mr Chidgey had already spoken. The members voted to maintain the status quo and re-elected Mr Chidgey as Treasurer.
Secretary – Mr Justin Phoenix spoke of his desire to be known by his actual name of Mr Justin Kua, this was immediately rebuffed by the members as it was decided that Phoenix was “a much better” name. In support of his nomination for the position, Mr Phoenix explained that he would not be very good in any other position, speaking specifically of his lack of knowledge on gear cleaning.
He also made the bold statement that he had “never lost an important piece of paper” and said that his clocks are set to an atomic clock.
Despite his highly accurate timepieces, Mr Phoenix went rather over the 30-second time limit. A statement was in support of Mr Peter Brook, who is currently studying abroad in Switzerland. It was noted that Mr Brook has two years of club experience and that he would be an ideal addition to the committee as he was Trip Secretary in 2009/10. The members clearly looked past the poor timekeeping of Mr Phoenix and voted him as the new Secretary. He dealt with the juniper juice in a most gentlemanly style, and his dedication to the club is to be commended.
Team Captain – Mr Samuel Prior was the only candidate for this position but he told us that his motivation for standing was his enjoyment of this year’s LUBE competition. This speech was enough to avoid the membership calling for a Re-Opening of Nominations and Mr Prior was elected as the new Competition Secretary / Team Captain.
Trip Secretary – Miss Cathryn Johnson spoke of her dedication to outdoor climbing, having been on most of the trips this year and having done a great deal of the organisation of the Easter trip.
She also mentioned that she had a car. Well done to her.
Mr Andrew Kent regaled us with an extensive list of the locations around the world that he has climbed in. He stated his wish to organise trips to more adventurous foreign climes. Mr Brook also stood for this position but had already been spoken for. The members rewarded Miss Johnson’s hard work on the Easter trip by electing her as the new Trip Secretary.
Gear Secretary – Messrs Granberg and Heggie stood for this position but both had already been given the chance to speak. Mr Heggie managed to add that he was very thoughtful and thorough. Mr Granberg’s experience in the role was rewarded and he was elected as the new Gear Secretary.
Publicity Secretary – Messrs Heggie, Vaughan and Miss Penn stood for this role and all had already spoken. The members decided Mr Vaughan was the superior choice as the new Publicity Secretary.
Hill Walking Secretary – Mr James Baker told the assembled masses that he was keen to get more involved with the club and went walking with his family at least once per year. Mr Brook and Miss Penn also stood. The members decided that Miss Penn was the best person to lead us to the hills next year and elected her as Hill Walking Secretary.
Social Secretary – Miss Spragg ran uncontested for this position and was duly elected by the members. Those of you who are being particularly attentive will remember that Miss Spragg promised cake if she was elected.
I very much hope that she does not make a Coalition-style U-turn on this particular pledge.
Alumni Officer – Miss Oliver ran for this position uncontested. However, it was decided that, as Miss Oliver is a veteran of KCLMC AGMs, she should answer some probing questions from the floor in addition to giving a speech. In this way it would help the members to decide whether Miss Oliver was truly up to the difficult task of linking KCLMC with the KCL Alumni Mountaineering Club. She explained that she would like to set up a KCLAMC bouldering team which had been promised free entry to next year’s LUBE. Miss Oliver answered probing questions on whether there would be a bouldering B team, joint trips and combined socials. The answer to all these questions was a resounding “yes”. Miss Oliver had clearly proved her worth as she was duly elected to the position of Alumni Officer.
This concluded the voting in of the new committee.
All of the candidates would have made terrific committee members. However, if my Further Mathematics A-level has taught me anything, it is that 15 divided by 11 is 1 with 4 remaining. This meant that it was mathematically certain that 4 people would be left disappointed. We thank Messrs Baker, Brook, Heggie and Kent for stepping up to the plate.
As the meeting drew to a close, Mr Chidgey made a vote of thanks to the current committee and especially to those who were leaving the College this year. He extended particular thanks to Miss Oliver and Miss Maeve Caviston-Diffley for their 6 years of wonderful service to the club each. Miss Spragg made an announcement regarding the collection of T-shirts and Mr Hofman thanked those present and invited all to the post-AGM dinner and drinks at Nando’s and the Lyceum Tavern respectively.
Mr Hofman then declared the 2011 Annual General Meeting of the King’s College London Mountaineering Club closed.
I hope that you will all agree that we have a brilliant new committee and a great deal of potential ahead of us. I look forward to next year greatly!
Yours faithfully,
Mr Andrew Feneley
